Show-Me State asks badass Israel for help

JEFFERSON CITY. Missouri guvnah Jay has sent a formal request to the badass state of Israel to help the lame state of Missouri to deal with the ongoing proto-civil-war that's spreading across the Pit-of-Hell, aka Ferguson. In a surprising move, Jay (whose surname bears an uncanny similarity to that of a former POTUS whose name is not to be named under any circumstances, lest his evil demon be summoned from the Netherworld where it belongs), has said that he's effectively bypassing Barack "Pontius Pilate" Obama who's never doing anything meaningful anyway, and is directly contacting the most badass experts in crowd control, namely the badass state of Israel.

That must be causing a wave of orgasms among some circles, no doubt...