How the hell* have I missed this?

* pun totally unintended

Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory (thumbs up to peristaltor)

My fave part:

Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power.

So things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force (or due to the curves in space-time caused by the presence of mass), but because God is pushing them down. Every. Single. Thing. He pushes it.

Same could be said about the tides, of course. O'Reilly had been right all along!!!